Stencils and Sprays and Dy...OH MY!

I just spent the most fabulous weekend at The Scrapbooking Studio in Moline, IL with the most fabulous Dyan Reaveley.  I am adjective impaired when it comes to describing 16 hours of classes with this lady, or perhaps I have too many descriptive words?  Either way, I couldn't begin to do justice to the atmosphere and energy Dyan provided every minute of the entire weekend.  I laughed, I learned, I created, I was in awe of the techniques she taught and the art we created.  She couldn't be more genuine or giving of herself, her talent, her life. Beyond awesome.  Art from the heart indeed, the only way to go.  The fibro kicked my ass both days; I could barely walk today but I'd think about the fun and the art and I smiled a big happy smile.  I traveled with my art chicks Linda and Marilynn, and other than the fact that I view speed limits as mere suggestions, I do believe we all had a marvelous time AND we got there and back safe and pretty darn quick. We saw old friends, met new ones, ate wonderful food, and shared a bathroom without a single fist fight.  It was truly a weekend I'll never forget.

Linda, Marilynn, and me.
AKA: The Naughty Table

Dyan (with her mustache) and I smiling pretty.

It was an unforgettable weekend for a different reason as well. It was the first time since Beth's death that I've ventured out. I've taken a few on-line classes and gone to my art group, but nothing this big.  Home has been my refuge, my safe place, and I'm quite happy being there.  For the longest time I couldn't even imagine having the energy or desire to want to commit to a weekend like this.   But then Dyan came around and I took a big step and realized once I was there that there was exactly where I was supposed to be.  I thought of Beth often over the two days I spent in class and so wished I could tell her all about Dyan; she would have loved her spirit and confidence and her crayon RED hair.  

I'm healing.  A small part of me thinks I shouldn't be, like if I'm feeling better I might forget.  I know, like I could ever forget Beth...but there's a small tinge of guilt none the less.  Beth would be the first to tell me to get on with my life, to enjoy,  to go out and make a difference, to laugh TOO loud.  I miss her so much.  I also know healing is the correct word, never healed.  When you love someone and they die, you are forever changed.  The grief never leaves, you never heal, you're never "over it."  You adjust and adapt and feel better much of the time and then WHAM, you hear a song or smell a smell and it's like you're back at the start again, feeling like you got kicked in the gut.  I feel like I've been kicked in the gut a lot less, so that's healing for me.  I think of Beth every day, I talk to her, and I can even sometimes smile now when I do; that's healing for me. And this weekend with Dyan?  That was truly healing for me, too.  

Laugh too loud.  Thank you, lovely Dyan,
for sharing your spirit with me!

Dear Beth

It's been one year since your pain ended and ours began.  One year ago I could never have seen myself here, one year later. When it first happened, I couldn't even imagine getting through a day.  How could I possibly live with a shattered heart?  I can't answer that question because my heart remains shattered but I am still here.  I can now put together a somewhat cohesive sentence.  I can talk about you without crying...not all of the time, but some of the time. I spent a great deal of this past year refusing to believe it was true, but even my creative little mind couldn't keep up that facade forever.  It is true, I know that now; my refusals to believe lost out to your obvious absence.  I talk to you every day.  I do things in memory of you instead of for you or with you.  I miss you so bad I ache, and then I think about your Dad and Mom who lost their baby girl, or your sister who is now an only child.  I can't begin to comprehend the incomprehensible pain they live with every day, but they are still here, too.  We all are.  You're the one who's missing and missed, by more people than I could ever know.  Seventeen years hardly seems like a life; I wanted so much more for you, for me, but it was all you could do.   I get that, I really do.  I'm working hard on being happy that you're at peace instead of selfishly wanting you back at any cost.  So my hope and prayer for you today is that you're experiencing peace and love and you know just how much of a difference you made in oh so many lives. You deserve that and so much more.  And my hope and prayer for me today, and for all those left behind, is exactly the same. May we experience peace and love and may we know just how much of a difference you made in oh so many lives, because right now that's all I've got so it's got to be enough. I love you forever and a day, sweetie.

Hope, Hope, and More Hope

Beth's one year anniversary of death is March 16, and I've been making art to honor her memory.  The LOSS Blossoms of Hope Brunch is next month, and my sister and I will be going. In addition to speakers, raffles, a wine table, and a delicious brunch at Drury Lane in Oak Brook, there will be a silent auction; I created two pieces of art that will hopefully sell and bring some additional funds to the organization that has helped and supported me during the worst time of my life.  I couldn't figure out what to make but then decided to make something Beth would like, something I would have made for her.  I came up with a treasure box book/pocket shrine, both with the theme of HOPE.  I wanted something that might appeal to the audience of suicide survivors, and for me, hope is a huge part of this journey.  If I were actually making one for Beth, the theme would be something like Edward Norton or Courtney Love, but I digress.  I'm very pleased with how they turned out and I hope at least two people will decide they want a portable symbol of hope, love, and remembrance for their very own. Here are a few photos of Hope #1 and Hope #2.

Hope #1, created from an altoid tin and lots of love.
The adornment on the top is a piece of broken vintage jewelry.
I chose it because the 3 pearls reminded me of Hope, Faith, and Love. 

open the tin to reveal the accordion folded book inside

the book is attached to the tin and pulls out for viewing...

and it's double sided.

a view of the front and back covers

Hope #2, created by the same process as Hope #1.

lots of vintage photos and supportive text

I made each tin with enough room to add personal photos and trinkets.

A support group and shrine, all in your pocket.

front and back cover views

I enjoyed the process of making these treasure boxes and decided to make a few extra with other themes.  They're in my Etsy shop for your viewing and/or adopting pleasure.  The best part of making these little beauties was the opportunity to once again create from the heart. I've struggled to do that since Beth's death.  I'd go up to my studio with all good intentions and end up sitting there, staring out the window or crying or both.  Creating art to honor Beth's memory really woke up my muse and I hope she stays awake.  The second best part of creating these treasure boxes is that I decided I'm ready to teach again.  I think.  I hope.  I last taught about two weeks after Beth's death and I couldn't even put together a cohesive thought.  I know the students had a fine time and loved the class but I felt like I was swimming in wet concrete. It's a big step to put myself out there when I've been feeling like I have nothing to give, but I think I'm ready again.  And I think I'll teach this class.  It's a fun project with SO many options and gift ideas - I'll keep you posted.  To those of you who continue to follow this blog, bless you and thanks for hanging in there with me.  I'll never be who I was before Beth's death, but I'm healing more every day.  I hope your corner of the world is treating you kindly.

P.S. If you're interested in attending the brunch or in donating a bottle of wine or a silent auction gift, please click on this link for additional information.  

2013 Good News Jar

SO glad to say hello to a new year.  I know it's just another start to another month, but January 1 feels official, like the crap from the last twelve months has magically been erased and a brand new everything has begun.  When 2012 started I never would have imagined I'd be where I am now, one year later.  I tried to stay light, I tried to blog regularly, I tried to smile and hope and heal and believe...but 2012 just kicked my ass and the collective ass of my whole family.  The word for 2012 was LOSS, loss on so many levels.  Loss so shattering that the thought of March 16 still feels like a kick in the gut.  Major loss, yes, but also minor losses that grew into major losses when viewed through tear drenched eyes.  Deaths, unemployment, financial woes, feline issues, and sickness of body, mind, and spirit all swirled around the plugged up toilet that was 2012.  So 2013 reared it's head and really, nothing had changed.  Not that I thought it would, but it suddenly seemed so apparent that the turn of a calendar changed nothing but the month.  In reflection I knew there had to be a few good things that happened last year.  There had to be, right?  Not anything to erase the bad but some good regardless.  I remembered several glimpses of good and then I was stumped. The bad just overshadowed the good.  Then last week I came upon an idea on Pintrest and decided to give it a try for the new year.  I call it my 2013 Good News Jar, and the idea is for me and my family to jot down something good that happens to you.  Write one good thing on one piece of paper, fold it up, and put it in the jar. No rules other than that.  Write as many or as few as you want, but the idea is to realize how many good things happen all the time; kind of like a gratitude journal in a jar.  We will empty the jar and read them together on New Year's Eve.  This idea speaks to me.  I am an optimist, although that fact may be hiding in the muck of the past few years.  I always saw the good inside the bad, always, and believed in better tomorrows. I made it through 2012, a feat I seriously doubted I'd accomplish.  The good news jar will nurture what lives inside of me naturally, the resilience that has been kicked and punched and is now playing hide and seek; it's still inside, just licking its wounds. Time to come out of hiding and face 2013.  If any of you are moved to create a good news jar, don't hesitate.  It just might change your life. 

A Little Blog Love

A big thank you to Rose of Randomcreative Art for featuring my "Black Cats" Halloween Altered Block on her lovely blog. I'm so honored.  I mean really, all the art floating around out there in cyberville (scary how my mind works, right?) and she picks one of my blocks?  Thanks you, thank you, thank you Rose. Please check out her lovely blog and Etsy shop; her beaded bracelets are beautiful and a few are on my wish list.  She also uses buttons in her jewelry and you know how much I love buttons!  *sigh*  Wishing a safe and restful weekend to all!

My Latest Obsession - DONE!

I'm over the moon thrilled with my completed estate sale find, the chest of many drawers.  It turned out just as I pictured it the moment I spied it in a dirty basement workroom.  It now has a place of honor in the living room and I'd just like to say it POPS and wakes up the whole space.  Love, Love, LOVE it.  I haven't filled the shelves yet because I'm not sure exactly how to fill them...with two cats and a kitten in the house, everything is considered a kitty toy!

The dreamiest shade of deep turquoise makes this piece SING!

The variegated background is batik paper from India.

Check out those sexy 1950's legs!

30 drawers total...sigh.

The sides of the drawers are decorated, each one differently.

Each drawer is lined with a different paper.

So what do you think?  This has to be my favorite estate sale score.  Have you found a treasure that you adore just as much?  Do share!

Masquerade Madness

I've been busy, busy, BUSY in the studio, working like a mad woman (umm, like myself?) to prepare for next Friday's show.  I'm beyond excited to be part of A Masquerade Ball: A Night of Art, Music, and Fashion on Friday, September 21, 2012, from 6PM - 1AM.  Please check the link for information and tickets, it promises to be an exceptional evening that benefits the AIDS Foundation of Chicago.  I'll be there with LOTS of new art, please stop by and say hi!  Also, check out Little Joys Studio for my latest inspirations.  Happy Fall to ALL!

"DON'T TRUST REALITY"
Mixed Media Tile

"ECLECTIC 15"
Mixed Media Assemblage

"LIFE CIRCLES"
Altered Book