Love is always open arms.
If you close your arms about love you will find
that you are left holding only yourself.
Today was a day of wide open arms and spilling hearts. We gathered as a family and interred Beth's cremains next to my brother Richard. An uncle and his niece, meeting for the first time in heaven. It's been three months since Beth's death and yes, it felt a bit like ripping a bandage off of a slowly healing wound. No, today was not closure. I think the word closure is misused and misunderstood. Some things can have closure but not the death of someone loved. The most we can work toward is a reconciliation of sorts, an adjustment to the reality of the situation. Today was not closure, it was another step in the journey of a lifetime. Death doesn't end a relationship, it changes it, and the challenge is to figure out how that change effects your heart and soul and not just day to day life. Not a one size fits all option. Not something that's accomplished in a 3 day bereavement leave IF THE DECEASED IS A DIRECT BLOOD RELATIVE, because lord knows our hearts only love along direct blood lines. Not something to complete or get over or forget or replace. Ever. Beth will always be in my heart and I'm confident that her life will eventually shine brighter than her death. That's just how it works and as it should be. Be forget? How? And why? Her death is part of my life's landscape whether I want it to be or not, and I'm keeping my arms wide open because I don't want to miss a single drop of love.
|These are the memory pins I made and gave out at today's service.|
I also gave extras to my brother and sister in law to give to friends
and relatives who were unable to come today.
The following are the thoughts and feelings that have tumbled around in my mind since March 16 and finally came together in a poem. I read it at today's service.
how were we so unaware
of troubled thoughts you had to bear
desperation now beyond repair
we carry every day
sadness, anger, disbelief
the feelings come with no relief
unanswered questions echo grief
we’re left to wonder why
broken hearts and shattered dreams
are all that’s left, or so it seems
no one hears the muffled screams
coming from my heart
your spirit rests in blessed peace
our hearts are torn with no release
and still the questions never cease
we wonder every day
but time will pass and pain does ease
your spirit’s felt on every breeze
you’re in the flowers, rain, and trees
you’re with us every day
worries no more haunt your mind
you’ve found the peace you longed to find
we’ll carry on, those left behind
remembering the love
our lives were blessed with the gift of you
we treasure memories strong and true
we’ll meet again, until we do
rest in God’s loving care.
©Laure Janus 2012