2 Months

Mourning is not forgetting. 

It is an undoing. 

Every minute tie has to be untied and 

something permanent and valuable recovered 

and assimilated from the dust. 

The end is gain, of course. 

Blessed are they that mourn, 

for they shall be made strong, in fact. 

But the process is like all other human births, painful and long and dangerous.

~ Margert Allingham

Time is a strange concept.  It's been two months since Beth died but it might as well be two hours or two weeks or two years.  It feels fresh and forever at the same time.  Even reading the words 'Beth died' is shocking, and I wrote the words.  Unbelievable and unbelievably real all jumbled up together and fighting for attention.  Time continues to move forward and so do we, just in a new and horribly altered reality.  

Last week, my two sisters and I got matching tattoos in honor of Beth.  Bittersweet but beautiful:

The photo is a bit blurry but the tattoo is vivid and clear.    The yellow ribbon and SOS stands for Survivor of Suicide. The butterfly (transformation, rebirth, short life span, fragile, beautiful) is blue for Beth's eyes and also for the ring in the diabetes symbol, and the veining inside the butterfly is purple, her favorite color.  Lisa and I both have it on our wrists, and Rosann chose to have hers over her heart.  Beth will be with us forever and we now have the visual reminder as well.  It was a hard day but we were happy to spend it together remembering someone we could never forget.

For those of you who are still reading and keeping score, this is the CHAOS part of the blog.  I'm nothing if not honest and CHAOS has been the dominate force in my life lately, with ART snoozing and dreaming sweet dreams. I do believe the ART part of Chaos and Art will eventually reappear but for right now, CHAOS is pretty much it.  My biggest creative effort was coming up with the tattoo design.  I need to add new pieces to my shop but in the words of Paul Simon (the singer, not the former Illinois senator) I "got a short little span of attention." Shorter than usual.  I offer continued thanks for sticking with me through the chaos and for supporting me and my family.  I don't have the words to convey just how much your thoughts and prayers mean to me but I send abundant blessings to each of you for your kindness and love.